Before I answer that question, may I say that in each and every ‘season’ that I have found myself in, I’ve made the most of every opportunity, but I have always put my family first. There may be times in a woman’s life when she may feel as though ‘her personal world’ has faded away; she may feel as though she’s just ‘someone else’s someone’, whether it’s Dave’s wife, Harry’s daughter or Chloe’s mum. If you find yourself in that season, just hang in there, it doesn’t last a lifetime. Your time will come again. I am now entering a season when I am free to pursue my own dreams. My children are now grown up; Adam is married to Debbie and they have Noah, and Bethany is about to start university. Paul, my husband is wonderful and encourages me in my new ventures.
I work part-time at Calvary Church as a pastor, the remainder of my time is spent writing and accepting public speaking engagements. Because I have several jobs, I have to be very organised. I operate a diary and work on an appointment system. I keep a ‘to do list’ and cross items off when completed. It seems very clinical but I’ve found it to be the most effective way to work without having to have a P.A.
I have a ‘week-to-view’ diary page set up, so that way I can see how busy the week is going to be. I also make sure I have at least two evenings a week free for the family, one of which is always a ‘date night’ with Paul! I also have to ‘diary in’ our tennis sessions, as they would never happen otherwise.
THE DIAGNOSIS OF LEUKAEMIA IN YOUR YOUNGEST SON, MATTHEW, IN 1983 MUST HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO HANDLE. WHAT WERE THE CIRCUMSTANCES LIKE?
It was one of those situations where you think ‘This always happens to other people, but never to me’! My world at that stage was almost perfect. I had a husband who loved me very much and whose love was reciprocated. By the summer of 1983, Adam was almost five and Matthew was approaching his second birthday.
Up to that time Matthew had been a very fit and healthy little boy who loved to play outdoors with Adam. It was during one of those outdoor play sessions that I first noticed Matthew limping. I was assured by Adam there had been no apparent injury. I watched Matthew’s activity for a few days; the limp was more pronounced and lethargy began to descend upon my youngest son without obvious cause. I knew deep within my heart that there was something seriously wrong with my son. A visit to our GP was the start of a very long journey which took us to the depths of despair; a journey I would wish upon no-one.
Whilst waiting for the diagnosis, it felt as though we were condemned people standing before a judge awaiting their sentence. And what a sentence it was to be! To receive the diagnosis of cancer in yourself, your partner, parents or siblings is awful, but to be given it for your child is horrendous. No words can fully describe the nauseous fear deep within me that began to engulf every fibre of my being. I would have given anything to exchange places with Matthew; but I couldn’t.
HOW DID IT AFFECT YOUR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE?
When something so devastating hits your family, your marriage cannot remain the same; it either pulls you together or pushes you apart. We watched how the pressure and the turmoil took its toll on many parents’ relationships in the hospital; several marriages broke up. Thank God, literally, that we pulled together. We allowed each other to deal with the trauma in our own way. I wanted to talk about it but Paul didn’t. I wanted to find out every detail about Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia, or ALL as it is commonly known; Paul didn’t. I had many friends who wanted to help, so instead of speaking to Paul about my findings and inner thoughts, I spoke to them.
Perhaps one thing that is not apparent to families who have been fortunate enough never to nurse a seriously sick child, is the constant dilemmas parents, particularly mothers, face; for example having to make choices between their children. It’s so easy to keep putting the seriously sick child first, but the possible long term effect this may have upon the very fit, healthy child needs to be considered. 'One such occasion was the day Matthew's final diagnostic test results came through. We had to meet the consultant at 9.00am, on the same morning as Adam started school for the first time!
‘Which child should I be with? I knew Paul was willing to stay with either son, but which one needed their mother the most? Should I stay with my gravely ill son to receive the test results, or should I be with my very healthy, eldest son, who was about to experience one of the most significant days in his life; a day he had looked forward to for a long time? Which son should I choose?’ (Extract from ‘Harvest from Heartache’ by Gail Chamberlain)
(Published by Kingsway - Copyright 2006)